What if
by ILYmarycrawley
Summary: AU. In which Mary is engaged to James, the new heir of Downton. She always thought she would marry out of duty. But what if, what if an unexpected meeting happens and changes everything. What if titles and money aren't all that matters.
1. Chapter 1

What if

A/N I do not own any Downton Abbey character. Only James is mine. This is my first ever fanfiction. I hope you'll enjoy it.

Chapter 1

Do you know this particular feeling? Knowing that you have absolutely no control over your life anymore, none at all. And you don't know what to do to make people see you. To make them listen to you. Well that's exactly how Mary Crawley has been feeling for a while now. And she doesn't know how to make it stop. In fact, she realized that she has been feeling like this for years. She simply had the bad luck to be born a girl. What a shame.

It's when her parents told her she would have to marry Patrick, her cousin and heir of the estate that she truly felt like that for the first time. That was 6 years ago. Since then, lots of things had change. Patrick had died in this horrible tragedy. And back then she thought, if only for a second that maybe she would be able to choose her future husband this time around. After all, she never loved Patrick and she's quite certain that he never had any romantic feelings towards her either. What if she could find someone who cared about her? But like we said, this thought crossed Mary's mind for only a second.

What does she know about love anyway? No man never truly had the chance to court her, or approach her in fact. She had always been promised to her father's heir. Just like she was now. But what was love compared to the possibility of spending her life at Downton, in her home, of being a Countess? She honestly wasn't convinced that loosing everything that should rightfully be hers (no matter what the laws said) for some silly feelings that she didn't even understand was worth it. So when her father had found the new heir only a few weeks after the announcement of Patrick's death, she knew even before her mother talked to her about it, that he would propose at some point and that she would say yes. And now, now she regretted it.

* * *

They were all in the drawing room at Downton. Today had been exhausting to say the least. So many guests were here for granny's 80th birthday. And things, let's say that things didn't go really well for Mary. She was repelled and angry. At her very own fiancée. There's something you should know about James Crawley. He is a charmer and women love him…very much.

* * *

Earlier that night, right before going into the dining room, her father realized that James was missing.

"Mary, do you know where's James?" asked her father.

"I don't. But I don't know why you seem so surprised. I actually don't remember the last time he was on time for dinner!" She said annoyed. And it was true. James wasn't the best example of punctuality.

"Don't be too harsh on him, darling. He has lots of things to think about these days. Learning how to run the estate is not an easy task." Mary rolled her eyes. How difficult could it be really? "Please go, and try to find him."

"But Papa…"

"Mary, we don't want to keep the guests waiting do we?"

So Mary went outside. Walked a bit, looking around. He was nowhere in sight. She told herself that she would wait five more minutes than go back inside. After all she would not let him ruin her evening.

But then she heard some laughs coming from the big oak tree, about twenty meters away. She walked to it, determined to know what was going on behind there. And then she saw him. Kissing this other woman, with his hands under her skirts. Mary gasped, shock written on her face. Though later she would ask herself why she had been surprised. She should have seen it coming.

They heard her inhaling sharply so they both turned their head towards her. The blond woman looked slightly embarrassed, but not much really.

"What are you doing outside Mary?" Asked James looking irritated that she interrupted their little game.

Recomposing herself quickly she raised her perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Am I not aloud outside of my own house?" His cockiness was irritating her more than ever before. And that's saying something. And that girl, just standing there with her mouth open. Mary was furious. "And I should be the one asking to questions here!"

"Lydia, darling, please go back inside." Without saying a word, the woman gave one last look in James and Mary's direction before walking towards the house.

"So? Explain yourself." She said that rather calmly despite the turmoil inside of her.

"There's nothing to explain my darling."

"Don't call me darling!"

"Well then. I think you know exactly what you just saw. And I hope you know that you should keep it to yourself." He said, looking so sure of himself.

"Or what? Are you threatening me James?" She knew he could. If he felt threatened.

"Oh! Absolutely not. The cold and careful Lady Mary Crawley is intelligent enough to know when to hold her tongue. If it means that she'll keep her precious Downton."

"I dare you…"

"Please, Mary" He cut her off. "You're not as pretty when you're upset." He took a step forward and another, closing the gap between them. He was so close now. She could feel his breath on her face. And she hated it. All of this. Him. "Mary, don't get me wrong. You're a beautiful woman." His gaze on her was the one of, of a predator. "Way more beautiful than that silly girl. But you never let me touch you. Maybe when we're married, if you're satisfying enough, then maybe I'll stop seeing other women."

This was enough. She pushed him away from her. No man should talk to a lady like that. Not to any women, ever.

"Don't you ever say such things to me again or I'll, I'll…"

"What will you do? Tell me. Downton is mine, with or without you. But you on the contrary are nothing without me. No money, no title, no nothing." He had a little satisfied smile on her face now. He knew he was right.

"I'm perfectly capable of finding a husband on my own if I want to! And…" She tried to fight back. But James took her wrist in his hand and squeezed.

"But you won't. If you even try, I'll close all the doors of London in your face Mary."

She was trapped. She knew he would do it. Knew he was powerful enough to do something like that and she knew for sure that he wouldn't hesitate to do so. Even her father wouldn't be able to protect her from that. So she held her head high, freed her arm from his grasp, turned around and started walking in direction of the house.

* * *

Mary could marry for duty. She always, or almost always, thought she would do so. She wouldn't be the first one. But she couldn't bear being an object of ridicule. Because people would notice in the long run, they would talk; they would know what he's doing. All those women would know! And she couldn't let that happen. But honestly, what could she do? She needed some time to think.

"Anna, I'd like to go for a ride tomorrow. As early as possible."

"I'll prepare all your riding gear then milady." Anna responded with a smile.

"Thank you Anna. I really need to escape this house. If only for a little while."

"Is everything alright milady?" She was well aware that Lady Mary's life wasn't as pleasant as it used to be in this house. Not since James came along.

Mary smiled gently at Anna. "Yes of course, why wouldn't it be?"

* * *

When she woke up the next morning, Mary got up quickly and got ready. She wanted to be out before anybody could see her leave the house. She was in no mood to explain why she needed some time to herself. Because yes, in this house, you needed to justify your every moves, until you married.

Riding with Diamond was so liberating. She could feel the fresh morning air on her face, in her hair. She let out a little content sigh escape her lips. She felt free for once. And it was good.

She rode like that for a long time. Loosing herself deep in thoughts. She went farther away than she should have. She knew it, but honestly she couldn't care less. Until she felt a drop on her nose and then heard a loud stroke of thunder. Diamond hates thunderstorms and she knows it. Right on cue the horse started to fuss as it started to rain more heavily.

She rode a little bit, pushing Diamond to go faster. But lightning started to tear the sky and she knew that she should find somewhere to hide and wait for the storm to pass.

There was a little cottage just before the forest. It looked like the perfect shelter. Calming Diamond she walked at the back of the cottage. She was happy to see that there was a big shed where Diamond would be sheltered from the rain. Once she was confident that her horse was well settled, she walked to the front door of the house, and knocked.

When the door opened, she found herself face to face with a tall man with blond hair and piercing blue eyes.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Thank you for following this story and for the nice reviews! They really make happy! Just to let you know that it should be updated every weekend, saturday or sunday. And when my finals will be over at Uni I'll see if I can update more often I promise. Still do not own any characters, only James is mine.

Chapter 2

Matthew was having a really normal day, as normal as it could be. He still couldn't believe how lucky he was to have found this place near the wood. It was the perfect spot for him. Far enough from any other cottages that he could pretend he was all alone on the land. But still close enough from the village that if he took his bicycle, he could always run some errands if he needed to, and that, in a matter of a few hours. Matthew loved to bike, so it wasn't a problem for him.

It had been three months since he first arrived in England. Time goes by so fast he thought. It felt only like yesterday when he walked out of that boat with only his one tiny bag in hand. But he decided that so far, it had been a good decision to come here.

Matthew was cooking some lunch for himself when he heard the first stroke of thunder. He was quite happy to be already inside the house when he noticed the heavy rain falling down and washing everything on its passage. He was just about to sit at the table when he heard a knock at the door. Quickly he went to open it.

On the other side, he found a very pretty, but soaked woman standing on his doorstep.

* * *

After a few seconds of looking into the man's eyes, Mary remembered why she was here in the first place. "Pardon me Sir. But would you mind if I come in?"

"Heavens no! Not at all. I'm sorry. Please come in." Matthew said embarrassed. How could he just stand there without saying a word? But before he could dwell on the fact that he probably made a very bad first impression on this woman, she spoke again.

"I'm terribly sorry to disturb you sir, but I was surprised by the storm and I saw your house and thought I would stop" She was freezing in her damp coat, her teeth chattering against each other for a brief moment.

"Don't be sorry. I'm glad you did. I wouldn't want anybody to be stuck outside in that weather. Especially not…" He realized he was babbling now. Blushing a bit from embarrassment at his awkwardness he added, "You're freezing! Let me take your coat. This can't be good for your health ma'am…"

Taking her riding coat off she suddenly realized that this man with the thick American accent (she believed it was American anyway) didn't know who she was. And she thought that maybe, it would be nice if it could stay that way. "Mary. You can call me Mary"

"Well then Mary, I'll go and fetch you something warm to cover you." Smiling he took her coat, spread it on a chair next to the foyer so it could dry properly and went in what seemed like a little room at the end of the house.

While he was gone, Mary took the time to look at the interior of the cottage. It was quite lovely really. Very different from what she was used to, but still very nice. The dark hardwood floor mixed with the warm color of the stones covering the walls made the whole house seem really, really warm and … comfortable.

After a moment, she saw the man reappear with an enormous blanket in his arms. "Here you go! I hope it's going to warm you up a bit!" He said while handing the blanket to her.

She gladly took it from his hands. "Thank you very much. This is really kind of you." She said with a genuine smile. She definitely felt much better once she finished wrapping herself into it. "Sir, I took the liberty of hiding my horse in your shed. I hope you don't mind."

"No, definitely not. It's quite all right. Do you think it'll be warm enough in there?" He inquired seriously. And then he added with a little laugh "And my name is Matthew. There's no need to call me Sir."

Mary smiled at his last remark. Finally, the stranger had name. And a fine one she thought. "Yes, I'm sure my horse will be just fine. Thank you Matthew."

After a brief moment of dancing from one foot to another Matthew finally spoke "Would you like some tea?" He blathered, his cheeks flushing from embarrassment. He didn't even know why he was being so nervous. Maybe it was because he never had any guest in this house before, and certainly not an English woman. At least, he was quite positive that he knew how to make some good tea.

Mary looked at him closely; his gestures and manners were different from what she was used to. It was, casual. Of course, he didn't know she was the daughter of an Earl. But she thought that if she was going to pretend not to be that girl for an hour or two, well she should act as if this situation was perfectly normal. "I would love some tea!" she finally replied, her voice cheerful. Actually, this could be fun.

She followed him into to kitchen. The room was pretty, just like the rest of the house. He offered her a seat and she took it gratefully. They sat in an uncomfortable silence while they waited for the water to boil, both glancing at each other without really knowing what to say.

"I'm afraid I don't have many types of tea in the house." Matthew finally said looking through the window.

The corner of Mary's mouth turned up a bit. This Matthew definitely wasn't an Englishman. "I'm not very picky when it comes to tea I assure you. I'm sure whatever you have will be just fine." When she saw what she thought was a relieved look on his face she added, "You're not from here are you?"

Matthew finally looked back at her. "Is it my accent or the fact that I don't have various types of tea that gave me away?" He was smiling now. He knew that her question was not an offensive one.

She smiled, laughing softly. "Let's say that the lack of tea only confirmed my suspicions." Now she was quite sure he was in fact American. "You're American aren't you?"

"Yes I am. Born and raised." He grinned at her

He stood up then and poured them two cups of tea. "Thank you." She said before taking a sip. "This tea is very good. I don't know why you were worried about it."

"Well thank you. My mother thought me. She would be pleased to hear that." He said while sitting back at the table.

They drank in silence for a moment. A thousand of questions running in Mary's mind, until she noticed what seemed like a sandwich on the counter. "I know that I probably interrupted your lunch, but you can still eat even if I'm here you know."

"Oh yes, the sandwich. I completely forgot about it." And it was true. When he saw her on his doorstep he had completely forgotten everything about his lunch. "But I'll only eat something if you do too." He looked intently at her, waiting for an answer and hoping she would say yes because if he was honest with himself, he really was hungry.

Mary eyed him, and then the sandwich. She realized she was starving. After all, she had skipped breakfast that morning. And that sandwich looked quite good in fact. "All right, if you're willing to share some with me, then I don't see why not." As soon as she finished her sentence, she heard her stomach grumbled. She looked down, blushing a bit from embarrassment. This was so unladylike she thought.

But to her surprise, Matthew only started to laugh. Not even a chuckle, but a good heartfelt laugh. "I guess I'll hurry up to prepare the plates then." He said still laughing a little.

The storm was still raging outside. Mary watched Matthew working his way in the kitchen. Spreading, cutting, mixing. She had never seen a man cook before. He certainly looked like he knew very well what he was doing. She also took the opportunity to really look at him. His hair was a really nice shade of blond. He had broad shoulders and strong arms she thought. And he was also very tall, taller than her father and James. But she pushed that thought away quickly and instead concentrated back on Matthew. He certainly was a very handsome man; with the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen. She could lose herself in those eyes…

Matthew really tried his best to make the plates presentable. He turned his head around glancing at Mary, who seemed lost in thoughts. So he took the chance to look at her more properly. Don't get him wrong, he saw right away, as soon as he opened the door earlier that she was a beautiful woman. But now, sitting in his kitchen all wrapped up in the blanket he gave her, he thought that she looked even more beautiful. Her dark brown hair was starting to dry, and some strands were falling down. Her cheeks were a light shade of pink. But he thought that her lips were so very, very beautiful. He had to force himself to turn around and finished his task.

"Here you go Mary." Matthew said, placing a plate filled with a sandwich, some vegetables and pieces of cheese in front of her.

"Oh Matthew! You shouldn't have given yourself all that trouble. But I must say it looks delicious." She decided to give him her brightest smile, which she hadn't given to anybody in a long while.

Right at this moment Mary couldn't care about the fact that she was in the house of a man she barely knew, a man living on her father's land. So beneath their kind of people her aunt would say. Because right now, sitting here with Matthew, without any chaperon felt so normal, so casual and so… right. He didn't know who she was and that, most of all felt liberating in such a way that she wasn't sure she understood it.

They chatted a bit about the weather in England and how Diamond had always hated storms. But Mary was curious. "May I ask you a question Matthew?"

"Why yes of course!" He looked amused by her formality.

"I was wondering why someone like you would leave America and come all the way to Yorkshire? It seems a bit strange to me. Isn't America the place where everything's possible?" She had a feeling his answer would be interesting. It needed to be. Nobody crosses an ocean without a good reason.

The smile on Matthew's face faded. He suddenly looked very serious. Twisting his hands together, he breathed a few times. "I'm afraid my answer will be disappointing Mary. Let's say that there was too many bad memories there for me to handle…."

"Oh! Matthew, you don't need to explain! I'm so very sorry. I shouldn't have asked you in the first place. It wasn't my place to do so." She truly was sorry. Seeing the look on his face and the sadness in his eyes, she knew she had made a mistake. Whatever happened to him, it was not a happy story she realized.

"Mary, you had all the right in the world to ask. You simply didn't know." He said locking his eyes with hers, making sure she understood that it was all right. "My mother grew up in Manchester and it seemed like a nice place to go. But on my way I stopped here and accidently met Lord Grantham. And as you can see I decided to stay here instead."

Mary's face fell. Of course he had met her father. How else would he have gotten the cottage without meeting him? "He must have liked you to give you this cottage right away then." She said trying to compose herself.

"Oh well, I don't know. He just seemed like a nice and generous man to me. Do you know him?" Matthew asked her nonchalantly. And it was true. He thought that Lord Grantham was indeed a nice man, old fashioned certainly, but still of enjoyable company.

She needed to lie somehow. She couldn't tell that she was in fact the eldest daughter of the Earl in question. Its not like she never lied before. But lying to Matthew, after he had been so nice to her, it didn't felt right. But on the other hand he would probably threat her differently if he knew. Everyone does Mary thought. Why would he be any different from the others? And she was enjoying not being Lady Mary for once in her life. "He's the Earl of Grantham Matthew, everybody knows who he is." She was rather happy with her answer, which wasn't really a lie was it?

"Yes of course. I just thought that perhaps…" Mary froze in her seat. "Oh, never mind what I thought." Matthew smiled at her. "We don't have Earls back home, and I guess I just hadn't realized that everyone knew who he was."

She smiled back at him, relieved. "Well yes, everyone does. He's quite influent, especially in Yorkshire." She looked out the window then. Not wanting to look at Matthew. She felt bad for lying to him. Because let's be honest, she was lying. The storm seemed almost over. She could even see a few rays of sun trying to pierce the dark clouds.

"Mary?" Matthew said softly. She was lost in thoughts again.

"Yes?"

"You asked me a question earlier. May I ask you one in return?" He asked her with a boyish grin.

She contemplated the idea for a few seconds. "It would only be fair wouldn't it?" Honestly, she was a bit nervous. She really didn't want to lie to him again.

"I assume that you're not living in one of Lord Grantham's cottages." Her clothes, the way she spoke, the way she held herself Matthew thought, she surely was not a farmer's daughter. "And I was just wondering what you were doing so far away in such a weather."

He was looking at her expecting an answer. What was she going to tell him? Maybe she could avoid lying; maybe she should just be, evasive. "You assumed right. And you should know that it wasn't my plan to come all the way down here in the first place. But I had lots of things to think about, and then we were caught by the storm." This wasn't so bad she thought.

Matthew wasn't happy with her answer though. He didn't know more now than he did five minutes ago. So he pushed is luck a little. "And what was bothering you?"

She looked at him, right in the eyes. It's not because she had been here for an hour that she knew him, not really anyway. She didn't even know his last name! She certainly couldn't tell him she reflected. "I thought we had a deal for one question Matthew."

"I know." He smiled gently. "But maybe I would be able to help you somehow."

Mary softened a little at his last remark. This Matthew was too nice for his own sake. But he had no idea, no idea at all of her problems. "It is very nice of you Matthew. But you certainly couldn't help in this case." She suddenly stood up. "And I should be on my way now. The storm is over, finally. And I took enough of your time."

She removed herself from the warm blanket and gave it to Matthew who was now standing before her. They both walked towards to front of the house. Matthew gave Mary her, now dry coat, back. He had a feeling his question had offended her in a way.

"Mary I'm sorry. I…" He didn't know why exactly but he didn't want her to think badly of him.

"Don't be. I asked you a very bad question first didn't I? Not that yours was bad." She rectified. "I just can't talk about it." She buttoned up her coat, tried to put her hat back in place properly. Once she was ready, she looked at Matthew who seemed to find his feet extremely captivating. She cleared her throat to gain his attention. When he looked at her she suddenly felt anxious.

"Is there something wrong?" Matthew inquired seriously.

"Well I, I'm going to need some help to get back on my horse." Nobody other than Lynch ever helped her to get on a horse.

Matthew smiled brightly then. "You see, I knew I could be helpful!" He teased her, chuckling.

Mary decided that she liked his laugh. It was so spontaneous and she heard him laugh more in an hour time than she probably laughed in the past six months. It made her feel better in a way.

They walked side by side until they reached the shed. Matthew opened the door for her and saw her horse for the first time. The beautiful racy black stallion instantly eliminated all the doubts Matthew might have had about the fact that Mary and him were definitely not from the same social class. "That's a very beautiful horse you got there!"

"Thank you." She said while patting Diamond, reassuring him that it was all right and promising him an apple when they would be back at Downton. "Diamond is my faithful companion." She smiled with affection looking at her horse.

Once they managed to get Diamond out, Matthew became awfully nervous. How was he going to help her climb up on her horse…without touching her? It was impossible wasn't it?

He took a deep breath before asking, "How, what do I need to do?"

She looked away from him, needing to calm herself a little. He was only helping her to get on a horse for heavens sake! She internally summoned herself. "You need to come here and then, when my foot will be in the stirrup, you'll have to lift me up and I'll do the rest." She said the last part so quickly that she wasn't certain he had understood.

Matthew took a few a steps in her direction, getting closer, and then another. He could see the freckles on her face now. He hadn't noticed them before. She was so, so beautiful. He could smell her perfume. It suited her he thought smiling unconsciously.

"Earth to Matthew." Mary said in a soft voice. Why was he smiling like that anyway?

"Sorry, sorry" He blathered. Why was he being so stupid? He was not a silly schoolboy anymore. He mentally slapped himself for his behaviour. "Are you ready?"

Mary nodded, so Matthew placed his hands on her waist. Instantly her mind started running wild. He was so, so close she realized. It certainly never felt like this when Lynch helped her. His hands were warm. It felt like, like a caress. If he wanted to he could just bend down and kiss her. No matter how wrong it would be, so terribly wrong, a part of her couldn't help but wish he would. She didn't know, but similar thoughts were going into Matthew's head.

"Mary" He whispered. "I'm going to lift you up."

And he did so. She recovered quickly enough from the "moment" she just had, to be able to settle herself properly on her horse.

"Here you go!" He said proud of himself.

"Thank you Matthew. You were indeed very helpful today." She tried to joke to cover up the whirlwind of thoughts and feelings going on inside of her.

She looked at him and smiled. As it only been an hour since she knocked on his door? She barely knew him still. They hadn't talked that much really. But she knew he could cook, knew he had a long, sad story locked up somewhere inside of him, and she knew that this man wouldn't hurt her, never. "Good bye Matthew."

"Good bye Mary." He responded before she ordered Diamond to walk.

He watched her go away for a little while, hoping that he would have the chance to see her again.

* * *

Mary pushed Diamond to go as fast as possible. They certainly all noticed she had been gone longer than she was supposed to at Downton. And knowing her mother, Mary knew that she must've been worried for a while now. About half a mile away from the big house Mary saw Lynch on his horse. He must have seen her too because he was coming right in her direction.

"Milady are you all right?" asked Lynch when he finally reached her.

"Yes, I am perfectly fine, thank you." Mary answered not stopping her horse.

"I'm glad to hear that milady. The Countess as been…" He tried to inform her but Mary already knew what he was going to say.

"Worried. Yes I know." And she also knew that there would be a hundred of questions to answer when she'll arrive.

When they reached the big house, Mary left Diamond to the good care of Lynch and went directly to the main entrance. Confirming her expectations, her mother was waiting for her on the other side, looking relieved to finally see her.

"Oh Mary darling! Here you are! Where have you been? Are you all right? Why didn't you take Lynch with you this morning?" Cora said very quickly taking Mary's hand in hers.

Mary rolled her eyes at her mother. "Hello mama. I'm glad to see you too. I'm all right and I'll tell you what happened when everyone will be there." Mary really didn't want to repeat the same story over and over again. Just like she didn't want to explain why she needed some time to herself that morning.

The Countess took Mary to the library where everyone was waiting. Her father, both of her sisters, even her granny was there. But she was pleased to see that James was not around. She sat down on one of the fluffy chairs, and told her family what had happened that day. Leaving a lot of details on the side. Making up a silly excuse to explain how she thought she would be able to manage without Lynch. She wanted the memories of this hour to belong to her, only her…and Matthew.

"Nice chap this Matthew Hartley." Her father interrupted her at one point. "Did he tell you that his mother was a Crawley from Manchester?" He inquired next.

"Are they related to us in any way?" Rapidly responded her granny Violet.

"No, I don't think they are. I've done some research but nothing came out of them." He said sadly. If there was something that Robert had learned over the past few years, it probably was that it was safer to have more than one heir on your list.

Mary was a bit taken aback. She didn't know all that. It felt strange somehow knowing is last name. Like it was not the same Matthew they were actually discussing. "No, I, I didn't know Papa." She finally answered.

"And what is he doing here?" asked Edith. Who seemed interested for the first time in Mary's story.

Robert was the first one the answer and Mary was glad about that. "Well, from what I understood, it seems that he lost his family in an accident and he wanted to see where his mother grew up." He paused then. "He is a lawyer you know, I guess the poor chap just needed some time for himself." Robert rationalized.

A lawyer, Mary repeated in her head. That would explain why he tried to know more about her problems. Why he wanted to help her… Wasn't it the job of a lawyer to get people out of bad situations? It made sense Mary thought. "If you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to rest for the remainder of the afternoon." She looked at her mother who nodded her approval and exited the room.

Thoughts were running a mile a minute in her head. Trying to analyse everything that had happened earlier that day. His eyes, his hands…Trying to integrate the new information to the equation. She definitely had lots of things to think about.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I'm sorry for the delay but I've been really busy at school. A big thank you to each and everyone of you who left me a comment, or followed my story. It is really appreciated!

Still do not own any characters except James. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 3

It had been nine weeks since the day of the storm. Nine long weeks during which autumn at turned itself into winter, coloured leaves into sad, grey November and finally into a thin layer of beautiful white snow. Mary had thought about what happened that day over and over again during those weeks. She couldn't help herself. As soon as she was alone, or even sitting at the dinner table when nobody was paying attention, her mind would always wandered and she would end up thinking about Matthew. She didn't want forget the colour of his eyes or the way his hands had felt on her waist … She had replayed that moment in her head a million times already. And she still wished he had kissed her. How sorry she was that he had not.

How silly she could be! She was not supposed to spend her time thinking about a man living on a cottage doing God knows what. Maybe being a lawyer meant something back in America, but here, he was still a workingman. And he couldn't practice here, could he? The laws were not the same after all. And that's how Mary tried to convince herself, at least twice a day, that this time was the last time she would be thinking about Matthew Hartley.

It was a bit easier for her to do so lately because James was coming back in only a few days for the Christmas holidays. Mary hadn't seen him often in the past weeks. He had spent most of his time doing some business in London. That's what he told them anyway.

She still hadn't talked to anyone about what happened during granny's birthday. She wasn't even sure her mother would believe her. So the chances her father would in fact believe in her story, were very slim. There was nobody else; she couldn't talk about it with her sisters. She knew Sybil would understand but she figured it was better not to bring her baby sister into her problems. And then there was Edith, but she would never talk about such things with her! Let's say that Mary and Edith were not the best of friends.

But the thing is, there was nothing to do. Even if she talked with someone, it wouldn't change her situation. There was no way out. Everybody knew that she was promised to her father's heir. And if some people had the bad luck to forget, there was always someone there to remind them.

To top that, James' threat was still ringing into Mary's mind. The words were as clear as the day they were spoken. And each time she thought about them, an irrepressible feeling of helplessness submerged her.

* * *

That morning, they were all sitting down eating their breakfast. Robert was reading his newspaper, like always, and the three girls were eating in silence.

"So your mother informed me that you were all going Christmas shopping today." Robert stated looking over the pages for a brief moment.

"Yes we are!" Exclaimed Sibyl. The Christmas shopping day had always been one of her favourites. "I can't wait to see all the Christmas themes showcases!"

Mary smiled a little at her younger sister enthusiasm. "You'll also have to concentrate on finding the perfect gift for a quite difficult someone."

"You're not talking about me are you?" asked their father.

"Well, Mary's right Papa. You never give us any idea, so it's always a little difficult to shop for you…and granny." Sybil added still smiling at her father.

"The three of you have managed to surprise me every year. I'm sure you can do it again!" Robert smiled a little looking at his daughters. "Just be careful, the three of you."

* * *

Matthew had thought about that particular October day a lot. Who was that girl that had knocked on his door? She had been so intriguing. Of course she was Mary to him, but that couldn't be all, could it? There was something about her that made Matthew want to know more. She looked guarded…and sad that day he remembered. Like she was supporting all the weight of the world on her shoulders. But she had not seemed so sad all the time though. She had smiled genuinely at him, and she had even laughed a good amount of time. For some reasons, knowing that he could make her laugh made Matthew a little proud of himself. But how he wished she had told him what was wrong. Maybe he could've helped her after all. Who knows? And maybe, just maybe, he wanted to know more about her because she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

During the past weeks he had found himself riding to the village quite often without any particular reason, except the fact that maybe he would see her there. But so far, Matthew hadn't been very lucky.

That day, he decided to go to the village to buy some Christmas threats. It's not because you were spending the holidays alone that you couldn't try to make it enjoyable!

Matthew was looking at some imported boxes of chocolates when he saw her. She was standing outside the store with two younger women. They seemed to argue about something, but after a few minutes the two girls that he didn't recognise left Mary alone and went in direction of a store on the other side of the street. A few seconds later, the bells hanging at the top of the front door started to ring. Matthew turned his head slowly at the sound. She was there. Only a few meters away from him, and if it was possible, he found her even more beautiful than the last time he had seen her.

What should he do? He desperately wanted to talk to her. But to say what? He needed to think fast. She hadn't noticed him so he decided to watch her from a distance, if only for a moment, until he mustered enough courage.

* * *

Mary was looking around. Each year it was the same puzzle. Trying to find a gift for their father, which they decided was Edith and Sybil's job, and finding one for their granny. Granny Violet was always the hardest person to shop for because she already had everything, or all the things she was interested in anyway. She was so preoccupied, trying to find the perfect idea, that she didn't see the blond haired man standing next to her.

"So, Christmas shopping huh?"

Mary turned around quickly, suddenly coming face to face with a smiling Matthew. She was surprised to see him there to say the least.

"Yes" She smiled coming back to her senses. "Granny always gives us some trouble."

"I see. What does she like? I'm sure we can find something," He said sounding excited at the thought of helping her.

Was he like that with everyone? Mary asked herself. Wanting to help all the time. She wasn't complaining though. In fact, she was really happy to see him. Was it possible that she had missed him somehow? No, probably not. That would be silly.

"Well, nothing in particular, that's the problem." Mary replied not looking away from Matthew.

"I'm sure that's impossible, Mary." He chuckled. "There must be something."

His laugh though, she had missed his laugh. Nobody was laughing like that at Downton, or rarely. "It's not impossible for Granny I assure you. "

"What did you bought her last year then?" He inquired. Maybe it would give him some ideas.

"I think it was a silk scarf." She answered, glancing at the window in case her sisters were coming back.

Matthew thought for a moment. "What about a nice pair of winter gloves with a little box of chocolates, so it will be less …boring?"

"Matching gloves …" Mary considered the idea. "That's brilliant Matthew!" She was beaming now. "Why are you so good to me?" She didn't realise what she had said at first, it's like the words had escaped from her lips on their own. She was mad at herself; this was not something she would normally say just like that, out of the blue.

The question definitely took him by surprise. "Well I, …I don't know." He hesitated. "We're friends…and that's what friends do, right?"

She smiled softly at him. "Yes, I, …I guess so." But honestly she didn't know. You're the only one that I have she thought.

He helped her to choose the perfect chocolates. It only took them a few minutes to find what they wanted, a 6 pieces box of dark chocolates, imported from Paris.

"I think Granny will love them." Mary smiled.

"Well, I don't know but you can't blame me if she doesn't!" He smirked.

"Don't worry. I'll take all the blame if it's the case." It was so nice to see him again, to be able to talk and laugh like that. "Thank you for your help Matthew…again." She smiled. "I feel like I owe you something now though, you're always the one getting me out of trouble."

"Absolutely not! You don't need to worry about…."

Mary wasn't paying attention to what he was saying he realized. Her eyes were locked on the window. Was it panic that he could read on her features?

"Mary? Is everything all right?" Matthew asked her sounding concerned.

She could see her sisters coming. What if they could see her talking with Matthew? It would be an impossible situation. First they would ask way too many questions, and second, she couldn't present them to him only by using their first name. One of them would say something and then he would know. He would know who she really is and she didn't want him to. Not yet at least. She was not ready to tell him, to lose …him. He was her friend because she was Mary, only Mary and not Lady Mary Crawley and she wanted it to stay that way.

"It's just, I really should be on my way. I'm sorry Matthew, but I can't stay…"

She was already at the door. Matthew didn't really have the time to process what was happening. Why was she running away suddenly? Did he say something wrong?

Before leaving, she turned to look at him one last time and mouthed "Thank you". And then she was gone.

Matthew watched her joining the two younger women he had seen earlier before exiting the shop at his turn.

Edith and Sybil were showing her what they had bought for their father when she saw him in her peripheral vision. He was walking towards his bicycle, head down.

This can't be good Mary thought to herself a little worried about what he would think of her now.

* * *

But what Mary didn't know, and what was even worse, was that James had arrived earlier than expected. And since the girls were not there, that it was such a lovely day and that James was there to accompany him, Robert decided that they should go and do the traditional Christmas tour of the cottages. It was a little ritual that Robert was really fond of. It consisted mostly in visiting the families, making sure everything was all right, and to greet them their best wishes for the holiday season. He started doing those visits the first Christmas after he inherited to title of Earl of Grantham, and he never missed a year.

Since James liked to parade around, he agreed to Robert's suggestion without hesitation. Besides, Mary was not home so he needed something to entertain himself.

So they went, both riding a white horse. They started with the Smith first. They chatted for a little while, about the crops and the kids. The Smith had two boys and one little girl and the three of them were really excited to see the Earl in their house. They knew that when he was visiting, Santa was always coming a few days later.

After the Smith they stopped at the Davies, then the Williams…the Jones and so on. It took them a few hours to do so.

The last cottage on their path was Matthew's. Robert was quite excited to meet this young American man again. He needed to thank him properly for sheltering his daughter a few months ago.

"Who's this Matthew Hartley? I've never heard of him before." Asked James.

"You'll see, he's a nice chap. Did Mary tell you that he helped her a few weeks ago?"

"She did not. Helped her to do what exactly?" He responded is voice a bit harsher than before.

"Oh she went for a ride that day but was caught in a storm and he sheltered her until it was over." Robert told him simply. After all, there was nothing more to it.

"We'll have to thank him then." James said with disdain. He had a feeling he wouldn't like this Matthew Hartley very much.

* * *

Matthew had arrived at his place only fifteen minutes prior when he heard a knock at his front door. The last time someone at knocked out of nowhere like that… Mary was standing on the other side. But he tried to push that image away. It couldn't be her this time around surely, not after what happened this afternoon. So he went to open it, a little curious. He was very surprised to see Lord Grantham standing there.

"Matthew my dear chap!" Exclaimed Robert. "We really hope we're not disturbing you."

"Of course not. Please come in Lord Grantham!" Matthew said noticing for the first time the other man standing next to the Earl. The words that came instantly to him to describe the stranger were…stuck-up, snobbish and all the synonyms. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"We just wanted to make sure everything was all right here for you." Robert said still smiling. "I also wanted to present you James Crawley, my heir. He's visiting us for the holidays so I thought I would take him with me. All of this will be his one day after all."

Matthew noticed that James smile had turned into a superior smirk at the Earl's last remark. He decided that, without a doubt, he didn't like this man. He seemed imbued with himself and that was never a good thing in Matthew's book. Se he decided to ignore him and not acknowledge his presence. "Everything's fine with me Sir. I'm getting accustomed to the life here."

"I bet it's a big change for you Matthew." James added. He was not going to let this American ignore him like that.

"It definitely is. But I like the change." Matthew said, without looking at James.

"I also wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for helping my daughter Mary the other day. It was really kind of you to do so. And I wanted to tell you that we truly appreciate it."

What? Mary. But that was impossible. Could they be talking about the same Mary? Matthew suddenly realized that she never told him her surname. According to both men in front of him, his Mary was also the one and only Mary Crawley, the first daughter of the Earl of Grantham.

He had heard some women gossiping about Lady Mary Crawley when he first arrived in Yorkshire, and some other times after. But the description he'd heard didn't fit at all to his Mary. The woman they were talking about was apparently very pompous... and heartless. Yes, Mary was guarded, that he noticed, but not cold, far from it Matthew thought.

"During the storm?" He needed to be sure somehow, without looking like an idiot who invites woman in his house every single day of the week.

"Yes." Robert responded a bit puzzled. Didn't he remember? "She told us you had been a very good host and we are grateful for it."

It definitely was the same Mary. Now he was sure about it. But why didn't she tell him? He had met her again earlier that day and… why would she lie to him like that?

"It was no problem at all Sir. I wouldn't' have let her froze on the spot."

"I don't believe nobody would have let the future Countess of Grantham stand there in the rain." James added with that superior tone that made Matthew cringe.

"Well, we really should be going now. I'm sure Matthew as lots of things to do." Robert said smiling. trying to dissolve the strange tension between the two younger men. "Thank you once again dear chap, and Happy Holidays."

Once the door was closed and that Matthew found himself alone once again in his house, he started pacing the room quickly. There was a lot of new information to analyse. First, Mary, the woman he had been thinking about for the past weeks, was the daughter of the Earl of Grantham! Why didn't she tell him? Weren't those people supposed to be proud of their rank and place in society? Matthew really didn't know what to think about the whole situation. But then, James words echoed in his mind "the future Countess of Grantham…"

Maybe he didn't know much about the laws in England, but he certainly knew that women couldn't inherit an estate. So if James was the heir…and Mary… They surely were going the get married. Mary and James… But how could she love, or even like a man like that? Matthew couldn't understand. The Mary with whom he had talked and laugh, she couldn't be marrying someone like Lord Grantham's heir.

* * *

Later that day, the whole Crawley family was sitting around the big dinner table. The girls have had lots of fun shopping for Christmas presents. At least Edith and Sybil enjoyed it. And Robert was invigorated by his famous tour of the cottages. Everything was going perfectly normally. Until James decided that it was time to tell Mary what he had done that day.

"I had a very interesting encounter at one of the cottages this afternoon." He told her in a low voice so she would be the only one to hear it.

"And who might have picked your interest in such a way?" Mary answered not really interested in what he had to say.

"His name is Matthew Hartley. I believe you know him." He said nonchalantly.

At the mention of Matthew, Mary's heart stopped for a moment. She tried to maintain her mask of indifference, but knowing James, she knew that he didn't start on this subject without a very precise idea in mind.

James was a little disappointed at the lack of reaction from Mary, so he decided to continue. "Your father thanked him for that time when he helped you. I must say that he looked quite surprised. Maybe it's not something they do in America…"

"I'm glad he did." She cut him off. "I'm afraid I didn't thank him properly myself when I left." She said that without letting any particular emotion transpire in her voice, but at the same time, she was trying to cover the uneasy feeling that was rapidly sneaking into her. This was so much worst than when she had ran away from him earlier.

Mary didn't know what to do. There was only one thought repeating itself over and over again in her mind. Matthew knew. Matthew knew. Matthew knew. He looked surprised James had said. Of course he had! Could James suspect something? Probably not, how could he? But Matthew knew! It was the only thing that really mattered in that moment.

How stupid she had been to think that she would be able to pretend like she had done. She needed to see him, to explain herself. She needed to try to make it right. The thought of Matthew hating her was… unbearable. He was her only real friend. The only person who was willing to help her, to talk to her, to listen to her even if she was not Lady Mary Crawley.

After her somewhat detached and simple answer, James had turned his attention on the conversation going on at the other end of the table.

Mary stood up a few minutes later, claimed that she had a terrible headache and then left the dinner table.

She had to see Matthew. She needed to make this right somehow. But right this second; she needed a plan on how to do so.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N I am so sorry for the delay but I had no time at all to write with finals at Uni and starting my new summer job. I'll try to do better from now on! I really hope you'll like this chapter. I love hearing what you think so please don't be shy and leave a review! Also, a big thank you to Cls2011 for all the help!

Chapter 4

Mary was standing in front of Matthew's door. She hadn't knocked yet. She was frozen, right there on the spot. She thought about turning back, she didn't owe him any explanation after all. They were barely acquaintances, weren't they? It would be so much easier, to just run away.

But she couldn't. It wouldn't be right. Not after all that he had done for her. They were… friends. He told her that. And maybe there was something else, something she couldn't explain. But still something strong enough, that she was standing on his doorstep at 6:30 a.m. It definitely wasn't a proper hour to knock on someone's door, but staying in bed seemed impossible that morning, she kept thinking about what she was going to say to Matthew, how she was going to explain everything, (and she also needed to leave the house before all her family awoke). But now she was nervous. Being nervous was not a common state of being for Mary Crawley, which made the situation even worst.

She took a few deep breaths to calm herself. One. Two. Three. And then she knocked. But nothing happened. So she knocked again, and again. He couldn't be gone so early in the day could he? Or maybe he is a sound sleeper she thought. She tried again, one last time. But nobody came to open the door. She was about to turn around and leave when she heard some noises. They were coming from somewhere at the back of the house it seemed.

Curious, Mary walked a little in that direction; maybe Matthew was there after all. She passed by the shed where she had hidden Diamond the day of the storm. Looking around more properly than she had the last time, she realized that there was a little cabin at the very end of the cottage's delimitation. Head held high, she walked quickly to reach the cabin. The door was open and there was some light coming out of it. She tried to look inside, discreetly of course, but she couldn't see anybody in there. Letting go a loud sigh, she tried to look further; there was so many things in there! Some little and some bigger pieces of wood she noticed. Intrigued, she crossed the doorstep.

What she saw was, well, definitely not what she was expecting. There were wooden toys everywhere, smaller ones and bigger ones, trains, rocking horses, dolls, spinning tops, blocks and cars. Mary was watching in awe at every single toy in front of her when she heard a man clear his throat behind her.

Hating herself because she had been caught in a place where she hadn't been invited in, Mary turned around, about to apologize, when she realized that the man was Matthew.

"Lady Mary Crawley" He said bowing his head a little.

"Matthew, please, don't call me that." She said while looking down, unable to look him in the eyes.

"But it's your name isn't milady?" Matthew said with more force than he wished-for. What was she doing here anyway he thought. How was he supposed to act around her now?

"Yes. It is." She responded in a soft voice, finally looking at him. "But I told you that you could call me Mary, I meant it and I still do, so please Matthew…" She hated the look on his face. Like she had betrayed him. But she had not, not really anyway. They only met each other two times for goodness sake. It's not like she had hidden the truth from him for ages she tried to convince herself. "I came here to explain…"

"To explain!" Matthew cried. What could she have to explain? As a lawyer Matthew hated lies, they never led to anywhere good. Life had thought him that. And why someone of her rank would lie about her identity? It made no sense! They were all so proud of it. "You lied to me Mary! About who you are no less!" He walked past her quickly. He needed to do something. Seeing her there, only a few feet away, made him feel all kinds of different emotions at the same time, some of them that he couldn't even understand. Taking a new piece of wood Matthew started to cut it, piece after piece.

Mary turned around, following him, but keeping her distance. "I know I did. And I'm sorry. I really am! But let me explain, please Matthew."

It took him a few seconds before he answered, still without looking at her "You should go. Here is not a place for a Lady I believe."

"You see!" She shouted walking rapidly towards Matthew. "You're doing exactly what I thought you would do! You're being just like everybody else!" She continued, "Before I was Lady Mary Crawley you wouldn't have mind me being here! But now you do! Why Matthew? Why are you like all of them?" She poked him on his left arm, which made him look at her.

She was so upset; he never thought he would see her in such a state. He never even thought about the fact that she was able of such a thing. She had always been so calm and just perfectly reserved each time he had seen her (like a Lady really). "I, … I don't know what you mean. You shouldn't be here that's all…"

She didn't know what she expected by coming here, but she surely didn't expect him to react like this. He was only confirming what she had feared. He was doing like everyone else, threating her like a little girl who was unable to do anything by herself, someone who shouldn't be here because of her rank. "You're probably right. I shouldn't have come here in the first place." She couldn't keep the tears from falling at this point. "I thought that you were different Matthew. At least it was nice to be only Mary for a little while." She added in a small voice. She hated to be so vulnerable in front of him. She couldn't remember the last time that she had cry in front of her own mother so why was she crying now? In front of Matthew no less.

Matthew saw the tears, of course he did. Oh, what had he done? And that last sentence, he didn't understand what she meant… being only Mary… and him being like everyone else, it made no sense really. She was so close to him. He only had to reach her and he could make things better. He knew how to make her laugh, he loved it when she laughed, but now was not the moment for a joke. She was hurt and he hated to see her like this. So he did what his father used to do when his mother was crying, or when she was upset. He kissed her. Simply, softly, he just kissed her.

Mary had not expected him to kiss her. Not right now, not like that. He was mad at her wasn't he? Because she had lied to him, and he was just like all of them… but his lips were on hers now and they were soft and warm. Softer than she had imagine they would be and it was gentle, their lips only moving a little, soothing. No matter the circumstances, it felt right, and his lips and Matthew… Matthew.

He broke the kiss first, but stayed close to her, closer than what was appropriate surely. It's like they were in a trance, like nothing else mattered in that instant, everything else was a blur… "Mary I'm sorry. So, so sorry."

"I am too. I didn't mean to… lie to you Matthew. I just…"

She couldn't finish her sentence because his hands were now on her face. Trying to wipe away the tears on her cheeks with his thumbs. "Please, don't cry anymore" He said softly "It's all right."

As soon as the last syllable left his mouth she joined their lips together again. His hands came around her waist, holding her closer, their lips moving together with more assurance than only a moment before. They stayed like that for a moment, a thousands thoughts and feelings running wild in both their minds.

Mary was the one to break the kiss this time. "I think we should talk." She said simply. Maybe he would let her explain everything this time. She hoped he would.

"I think we do, yes."

"What's all this?" She asked looking over his shoulder. She honestly was curious to know what all those toys were for.

Matthew chuckled a little; he knew that she was trying to delay the real conversation. "Come here. I'll show you."

And so she followed him at the far back of the cabin, where she found a small table with four little chairs and a beautiful tea set on it. "Matthew it's so pretty!"

"Thank you" he said proudly. "They're all for the kids"

"The kids?"

"Please sit. Don't worry, the chairs are strong enough for us." He added.

Once they were both settled on the little chairs. Matthew spoke again "When I was a little boy, we moved to a small town in Indiana. They needed a lawyer there you see, and so my father took the job and brought both my mother and I with him. The majority of the people there were farmers and the times were hard. One day at school, it was just before Christmas, I heard some children talk about the presents they would like to receive. Until one of them told them to stop because they all knew that it was impossible for them to have what they wanted and that they would be lucky if they have an orange this year. When I got home, I told my father what I've heard that day, and two months later we started to build toys for all the farmers kids in our town. It took us a long time the first year! But it was our little secret, and I loved it. So on the 24th of December, after months of working on every single one of the toys, we delivered them, subtly of course, so nobody would know that it was my father and I. When I went back to school after the holidays, all of them were talking about what they had received, and they were so very happy Mary. You should have seen the smiles on their faces! I knew in that moment that we did the right thing. And so we made toys for the kids each year after that."

"And that's what you're doing here?" She smiled at him.

"Yes. That's what I'm doing. This one," he pointed at the table and the tea set "is for the Johnson's daughter, she's 5. I think she'll like it."

"Like it? Matthew are you crazy? She'll love it! It's just perfect!" She said

"Thank you Mary" He beamed at her. "Since I can't practice law here, not yet at least, I have plenty of time to work on them!" He added happily "Now that you know what's all of this is for, can you explain to me… everything. I won't say anything till you're done, I promise." He said quickly.

"Well, yes, of course. That's why I'm here isn't it." At least he seemed in a better mood than earlier she thought. But where could she possibly start? She needed to make him understand her point. She took a deep breath to calm herself. She never told something like that, something so, personal to anyone before. "You probably think that being a Lady is the easy life. That's what everyone think anyway. And I'm not complaining, I know that I am lucky and that things could be worst. But the thing is, women like me don't have a life. We choose clothes and pay calls and work for charity and do the season. But really we are stuck in a waiting room until we marry. You see, I'm the eldest daughter of the Earl, though you probably know that now. And, oh dear, Matthew you surely know that I can't inherit, I can't even go for a ride without asking permission. As a woman I'm threated like an eight years old, it's like people think I'm a porcelain doll who can't do anything. When I met you, the first time, I realized that you didn't know who I was and I thought, it was silly I know, but I thought that it would be nice to see what it felt like to be a normal person for once. And you were so nice to me, and not because I was a Lady, but because I was Mary. You see the difference? That's why I didn't tell you Matthew and I'm sorry that you had to learn the truth the way you did, I really am."

"Did you like it?" Asked Matthew.

"Yes. Yes, I liked it." She answered blushing a little.

"I'm so very sorry for earlier Mary, I reacted badly and I'm sorry."

"It's all right Matthew. Truly it is. I'm glad that you let me explain."

"What about James?" He knew he was pushing is luck but he needed to know.

Mary was a taken aback by this sudden change in the conversation. This particular subject couldn't be leading anywhere good, especially not today. "What about him?"

"You're going to marry him aren't you?" He said a bit more harshly than intended. But the memory of James in itself made him cringe.

"Oh dear. Matthew didn't you listen to what I said?" Looking at her hands in her lap she added "And yes, I'm supposed to marry James. It's the plan if you must know."

"I see." He said while standing up. "I hope it will work for the best. I really do."

She stood up too. "Why are you doing this Matthew?" How could he be sorry for being angry one minute and then being angry again only a few seconds later? But he kissed her, she didn't only imagined it, oh my. "I, … I thought we were…" she hesitated a little before finishing her sentence "friends."

"I just don't understand how you can marry someone like him! Mary I met him and he's … "

"Matthew! Stop!"

Matthew looked down, embarrassed by his behavior. "Sorry. Again I'm sorry. It's not of my business really, is it?" He laughed uncomfortably trying to change the atmosphere. "And of course we're friends Mary." But how could he simply be a friend to her after they had kissed like they did earlier? Oh God, what a mess Matthew thought. But if she wanted a friend, so be it. It was always a better possibility than not seeing her at all wasn't it?

Sensing Matthew's discomfort and before they had the chance to fight again, Mary thought that it would be better to leave things like this for the moment. "I should probably go now."

And so, they walked out of the cabin towards the front of the house. "May I come with you?" Mary asked suddenly. "On the 24th, for the gifts distribution?"

Matthew smiled. "Of course you can. I would love that. But will you be able to? I'm doing this quite late."

Mary gave him her brightest smile. The one he loved so much. "I'll find a way."

"Well then, I'll wait for you here at 1 a.m. We can't start too early or someone could see us."

"It's settled then." They stood there for a moment, both looking at each other. "Can you help me to climb back on Diamond Matthew?"

Without answering he took the last step that was needed to reach her. He placed his hands on her waist like he had done the last time. For a moment Mary thought that he would kiss her again. But he did not. He bent down a little though and whispered in her hear "If you feel like being only Mary for a moment, you can always come here. I promise I won't act like I did today ever again."

She didn't know what to say. But she tried to give him her most sincere smile. This meant more than anything to her. She knew he meant it. "Thank you." She whispered back.

Without another word being said, Matthew helped Mary to settle herself on her horse. After a wave and a smile, she was gone.

Lots of things had been left unsaid this morning and they both knew it. But at least they parted with the prospect of seeing each other in a few days time and a promise that meant the world to Lady Mary Crawley.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N I don't have any excuse this time. I'm sorry for the long delay. I hope you'll pardon me and that you'll enjoy this new chapter! I still do not own Downton Abbey or the characters... etc. Enjoy! I love it when you guys tell me what you think, so please do!

Chapter 5

_December 24__th_

"Oh Anna! Thank you!" Mary exclaimed.

Anna smiled at Mary in return. She would do anything for her mistress, or almost anything really. "You simply need to be back before the servants woke up and everything should be fine."

"I won't forget, I promise."

"And please milady. Be careful, I'll never forgive myself if something… "

"I'll be perfectly fine Anna. You must not worry." Mary said trying to comfort her maid.

* * *

A day after her early meeting with Matthew, Mary had tried to explain everything to Anna. She needed to tell someone, keeping all of this to herself was so very hard sometimes. Mary knew that Anna would never speak about her secret to a living soul. In all honesty, she was the only person that Mary trusted enough to talk about such a thing.

"And he kissed you?" Anna inquired seriously.

Blushing, Mary nodded in response.

Anna knew that Lady Mary and her were not friends, not really anyway. There was always this line that they couldn't cross, a thin, sometimes barely visible line, but it was always there. But over the years, she had learned that when her mistress was confiding in her like she was doing today, she could usually say what she thought about the situation without being inappropriate.

"I think he likes you milady."

"Don't be silly. 24 hours ago he didn't even know who I really was!" Mary responded sincerely, dismissing that idea quickly. "We're… friends."

Anna nodded simply, trying to hide her smile.

And so, after Anna heard the whole story, she agreed to help Mary escape the house the night of the 24th.

* * *

At a quarter past midnight everyone was finally in bed. Anna made sure that the way was clear and led Mary to the stable through one of the back doors. Silently she helped Mary to put on some warmer clothes that she had hidden there previously.

"Thank you Anna." Mary whispered, smiling. "Do you have the box?"

"Oh yes" Anna said bending down and searching in the large bag where she had put all the clothes Mary might need for the night. "Here it is!"

Mary took the box and thanked Anna once again. "I should be on my way now or else I'll be late."

"And we don't want that." Anna added.

It was only a matter of a minute or two before Mary was properly settled on her horse. She left the stable making Diamond walk very slowly so it wouldn't make any noticeable noises for the people sleeping inside. If they were to caught her leaving the house at this time of the night… To meet a man no less… Well, big troubles would come her way. She would have never agreed to such a plan before. But there was something about Matthew, something about the fact that no one would approve, that made the whole thing thrilling. Plus, it's not like they were going to burn a house down tonight. They were only going to distribute Christmas presents for some children.

Once she decided that they were far enough from the house; she made Diamond go faster, and faster, until she knew that he had reach he's full speed.

* * *

Matthew was waiting silently outside the house. Everything was ready, but she was late. Only a few minutes late, but still, she was late. Maybe she decided not to come after all Matthew thought. "I probably scared her and now she doesn't want to have anything to do with someone like me." He murmured to himself. Or perhaps she just hadn't been able to escape her house, he tried to rationalize.

Sitting there, waiting, just in case she would finally appear, Matthew remembered their last encounter. He couldn't help a small smile from appearing at the thought of their kiss (or of their kisses!). Because she had kissed him too. He was well aware that it had not been proper, not at all in fact. Especially since he knew for sure that she was already engaged to someone else. But he couldn't bring himself to be sorry. Oh no. He definitely couldn't be sorry about that!

In the past days, Matthew had wished on multiple occasions that he could talk to his mother, about Mary. About how beautiful and perfect and funny she could be when she felt at ease. About how he loved to make her laugh, about how he wished that he could see her every single day but that such a thing was not possible.

He looked at his pocket watch yet another time. 1:15 a.m. and still no sign of Mary. So he stood up, ready to leave. He looked to be sure that everything was in place in the adult size, kids wagon, he had built especially to deliver the gifts. The table and tea set for the Johnson's daughter had been previously delivered since it was too big to bring it with all the other toys.

Taking one last breath and making some fog swirl in the air in front of him, Matthew took the handle of the wagon and started to walk in direction of the first cottage on his route.

* * *

Mary knew she was late. She might have gotten herself lost at one point. Perception was so very different in the dark than in the daylight! Though she would never admit that to anyone.

She saw him, walking slowly with what she could decipher as a little mountain of wooden toys. He had not seen her yet, and he was leaving, without her. Perhaps she was even later than she thought.

"Matthew!"

He suddenly looked up, startled. It was her.

"I should hope that you were not leaving without me!" She said trying to sound offended that he would do such a thing.

"I… I thought you were not coming anymore." He trailed off and then smiled brightly at her pushing away all the disappointment he had felt only a few seconds before. "But I'm so glad you're here!"

"People went to bed later than I expected." She explained then smiled a little.

Understanding what she meant and glad that she had been able to get out of the house without too much trouble, Matthew signalled her to follow after him. They hid Diamond in the shed quickly before they finally started the gift distribution. They walked silently side by side for a moment, both simply enjoying the walk and the presence of each other.

"Do you know what?" Matthew asked suddenly.

"No. But I have a feeling you're going to tell me." She replied. Was that even a question in the first place? So American, she thought.

"You're weather is worst than in America! It's colder back at home but it's dryer. Here the humidity is unbearable. It always finds a way to pass all your layers of clothing and reach your bones until you freeze, right there, on the spot!"

Mary couldn't help herself and she started to laugh. "Oh dear, stop being so dramatic!" Matthew tried to look offended at her comment but that made Mary laugh even more. "Oh stop it! Just promise me that you won't 'freeze right there on the spot' tonight." She mimicked him.

"I promise." He said solemnly looking right into her eyes. "And I should hope that you wouldn't let such a thing happen!"

For a moment Mary didn't see anything except his face, or more particularly his eyes. How was it even fair for someone to have such beautiful eyes? She only managed to give him a small, shy smile as an answer.

* * *

Before they both knew it, they had reached the first cottage. It was the Jones' house.

"What do we do now?" Mary whispered, not wanting anyone to hear them.

"Ok, so you have to find the gifts for Nicolas, Peter and Elizabeth. They should be on the top of the pile." Matthew told her, also whispering.

Every single one of the gifts had a tag and a pretty red ribbon on it so Mary had no difficulty at all the find the right ones. There was a wooden train for little Nicolas, a race car for Peter and a little dog with four wheels and a small cord as a leash for Elizabeth. Mary was quite fascinated by the latter. How did he manage to do that?

Seeing the quizzical expression on her face Matthew said: "It's not that hard you know… and my father was a good teacher." then he added. "Now come on, we're late enough as it is."

He took the train from her hands, their fingers brushing for the shortest of moment –though they both noticed- and with a little movement of the head, invited her to follow after him. They walked slowly, trying not to make any noises and reached to main entrance were they laid the three presents. Matthew whispered a very sincere "Merry Christmas" and then they were off to the next house.

Fortunately for Mary's feet, the next cottages were closer to one another. And so they did the Williams, the Driscolls and the Deasys in only a small amount of time.

Mary loved it. The whole thing, it was fantastic. Being outside so late, making the kids happy; even though she wouldn't notice their cheerful faces, she knew there would be lots of smiles and laughs in the morning because of Matthew's presents. And of course, this night was even more memorable because she was spending it with Matthew. She could, at least admit that to herself. There were so many things she didn't know about him. He was still an enigma to her in many ways, but she liked that. He didn't push her to talk, and she didn't either and it was perfect that way. All resentment or angriness from their last meeting seemed to have disappeared completely and she was grateful for that. It was like it never happened at all! But of course, there was some particular moments from that encounter that Mary couldn't bring herself to forget, or to stop thinking about for that matter.

After a moment Matthew finally spoke, bringing Mary back to earth. "Here's a question for you." Mary couldn't help but smile. His way of always saying when he was going to ask a question before actually asking it was quite endearing. "What is the best Christmas present you received as a child?"

"That's a good one." She said then thought about her response for a few seconds. "When I was only a little girl, around 5 or 6 probably, my granny gave me a little stuffed dog and she said that it would bring me luck. That little dog has been my lucky charm ever since." She smiled. "What about you?"

"My father's pocket watch." He answered without hesitation. "He gave it to me as a Christmas present, saying that I was finally old enough to take care of it." He cleared his throat a little; trying to gain some composure, talking about his parents was still hard for Matthew. "It was the last Christmas we all spent together."

"Oh Matthew. I'm so sorry…" Mary said in her most sincere tone. She never had the best relationship with her parents but she still couldn't imagine her life without them! How horrible it would be to lose them both. She thought that Matthew's father must have been a great man, because his wife and him raised a very good man, who would surely be an amazing father himself in the future.

At this point, there was only one more cottage to do. Matthew looked at the time (probably on is father old pocket watch Mary thought). "We need to hurry up if you want to be home in time." He finally stated.

Mary looked at the wagon, there were still eight toys and to be honest she didn't really know where they were anymore. "How many cottages left?" She asked.

"Only one." Matthew replied simply.

"Dear God. I only have two sisters, and trust me, it's enough."

"They all get along very well you know. I would have liked to have some siblings." Matthew admitted.

"Well, I guess it can be boring not having anyone to fight or argue with." Mary said seriously.

"Or perhaps to play and have fun with?"

"Yes, I guess you could add that to the list." She chuckled.

* * *

It took them about half an hour to reach the last house and another quarter of hour before they finally came back to their starting point.

"I… Thank you for letting me come with you tonight." Mary said nervously. She couldn't tell why she suddenly felt some nervousness took hold of her.

"It was my pleasure. I'm glad that you came. It's definitely more fun when I can share this moment with someone…"He trailed off trying to open the shed to let Diamond out.

Once her horse was finally out and ready to leave, Mary reached in one of the little leather pockets attached to Diamond's back and pulled out a medium sized box. "Here" She said, extending her right arm.

"But I… I didn't get you anything. I didn't think that… " Matthew babbled taken aback by her gesture.

"It's nothing. Truly. Take it as a thank you, for tonight."

"Mary I can't… "

"It really is nothing I promise. Please open it!" She smiled trying to be confident.

And so Matthew finally opened it. Tea, six different sorts of tea. He beamed at Mary. "Was it that bad?" he chuckled.

"Of course not. I told you it was perfect. I just thought that maybe you would like to try something different."

"Well in that case, thank you so very much darling!" Matthew said happily before realizing his mistake.

Mary stood there, shocked. _Darling, darling, darling_. The word was resonating in her mind over and over again. She didn't know what to think of it. Was Anna right?

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. It just slipped..."

"It slipped." Mary said more to herself than to Matthew. "I should go."

"Mary, please." He said reaching for her wrist and grabbing it in is hand. Making her turn around so she would be facing him.

She couldn't look at him. She kept her head down so she wouldn't meet his gaze. She knew that if she did, look into his eyes, she wouldn't be able to think properly. Just like the last time they had been so close to one another. And she couldn't let that happen again. Even if some part of her wanted to.

"I need to go." She repeated.

"Mary, look at me, please." It took a few seconds for her to do so, but she finally did. "I'm sorry. It's silly, I always end up apologizing when I'm around you. But I am. I shouldn't have let it slipped so easily. I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable, or be inappropriate."

"Tonight was inappropriate Matthew. Same goes for all the times we've seen each other." Mary stated matter of factly.

"I guess you're right. But I like them, our times together." He admitted shyly. I like you, very much, he wanted to say to her. How stupid he was being, she was engaged to another man. A man who was not him.

Mary only gave him a shy, tiny smile in return. She couldn't say anything, couldn't think properly. Of course she likes their moments together. She hadn't even been uncomfortable when he had called her darling, she had only been... very surprised. It seemed so natural. But it was not. Not natural, nor was it normal. But the fact that it seemed so, scared her, a lot. What was wrong with her. "I really need to go Matthew."

"Yes, I know. Be careful on your way back Mary. And Merry Christmas."

"I will. Merry Christmas to you too."

Two minutes later she was gone, with no promise of seeing each other again this time.

* * *

Anna was waiting for her mistress. She was late. And she couldn't help but worry. What if something had happened to her? But then she saw her. Relieved, she hurried to help Mary get back on the ground.

Without a word, they both erased every traces of their passage and hurried into the big house.

"We need to do this quickly milady. Servants are getting ready to start their day."

They both hurried down the corridor. Tiptoeing. Trying to be as quiet as a mouse. They finally reached Mary's bedroom. They both let out a sigh of relief. Mary needed to sleep. She was exhausted to say the least. She also wanted some time alone to think about the event of the night, to analyse everything. She seemed to do that a lot after she had seen Matthew, analyzing, thinking.

Once Anna left her room, and that her head hit the very welcome pillow, she fell asleep, oblivious to the fact that contrary to her belief, a pair of dark brown eyes had seen her tiptoeing quietly down the corridor.

A/N I hope you liked it. Please review and let me know what you think!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I took precisely seven days; seven days before everything went wrong. Seven days before Mary realized that someone had seen her coming back from her little escapade on Christmas Eve.

* * *

Everything had been fine on Christmas day. Everyone was happy and enjoying this special day of the year, Sybil's favourite. Granny, Aunt Rosamund and James were there. Everything seemed normal, peaceful even. No bickering, no arguments. They played their traditional games. Mary could even say that she had some fun that day.

Of course, they'd all heard rumours concerning a mysterious Santa. The subject had been discussed at the dinner table a few days later. They all speculated about who it might be. In fact, only Granny named Matthew as the possible secret Santa.

"Matthew Hartley?" Asked Robert. "Well, it surely is a possible option. I didn't think about it at first but now that you mention it."

Mary's heart stopped for a brief moment at the mention of Matthew's name. They couldn't possibly know, could they? But the subject was dropped quickly enough, without anyone asking for her opinion, which allowed her to breath properly once again.

* * *

Mary did not hear about Matthew again until New Year's Eve. More precisely, until she came down the stairs and saw him standing there, talking with her father and some other guest as if this situation was perfectly normal.

She stood there, frozen, if only for a moment before her legs started to move again. What was he doing here? To say that his presence to their New Year party surprised her was an understatement. As she walked towards them, she couldn't just ignore the three men and go directly to the drawing room, she noticed for the first time how very different he looked. He was wearing a black suit, which fitted perfectly and his hair were impeccable. She tried to stay concentrated on her father's face as she finally reached them.

* * *

Do not stare. Do not stare. Do not stare. Matthew repeated over and over again as he was watching Mary in the grand staircase. This was the Lady Mary everyone was talking about. There was no doubt about it.

It had taken him a lot of thinking to decide if he should accept Lord Grantham's invitation or not. This was not his scene, but Mary's. This was her house, her life; the one that she somehow tried to explain to him. But in the end, this was an occasion like any other to see her again, wasn't it? Plus, he couldn't possibly refuse an invitation from the Earl.

He watched Mary, from the corner of his eye, walking towards them. She looked so elegant; she really was in her element he thought.

"My dear!" Robert greeted her. "Sir Henry Thompson, this is my daughter Mary." The man in question took Mary's hand in his and bowed is head a little.

"Pleased to meet you Sir Henry." She said rather coldly.

"It's my pleasure Lady Mary." The older man smiled brightly at her.

"And Matthew Hartley, which you've already met." Robert added. Smiling as he finished the presentations.

"Mr Hartley. How nice to see you again." Mary said politely, trying to avoid eye contact with him. This situation was impossible.

"Lady Mary. Very nice indeed." He replied, smiling at her, unable to look away.

After a short moment, finding nothing else to say and wanting to escape this particularly weird situation she finally added "I should join the ladies in the drawing room and let you discuss. If you'll excuse me." She bowed her head slightly and gave a small thigh smile before leaving the three men alone.

* * *

The drawing room was particularly full that night. The Crawleys New Year's Eve party was one of the most awaited soirée of the year. Mary spotted her grandmother quickly, sitting a little behind all the fuss that was going on in the centre of the room, and joined her there.

"Are you quite all right dear? You're a little pale." Her granny commented.

"I'm perfectly fine." Mary replied simply but surely. And she was. She had only been quite shocked to see him here, in her house. She had no idea that he had been invited at all. Why didn't he tell her? He must have known it when they met a week ago.

Her thoughts were rapidly interrupted by Edith and Sybil, who made their way through the crowded room to join them.

"You never told us how handsome Mr Hartley was Mary!" Exclaimed Sybil before she had the time to settle herself on a chair.

"I never thought it was a relevant information." As soon as the words left her mouth, Mary realized her mistake. Edith and Violet did too. She did not dismiss the fact that Matthew was indeed handsome, but she agreed to it in a way.

"What is he like?" Asked Edith after a moment.

The men had now joined the women. They where all watching him from their place at the back of the room, he was actually engrossed in a conversation with four other guests that Mary didn't know anything about. They all seemed fascinated by him. Probably because he's American she thought. "I barely know him. But he seems like an hardworking, respectable man." What else could she say? If only they knew… "I wonder why Papa invited him though."

"James asked him to." Sybil replied quickly.

"When?" Mary inquired.

"I heard them talk after breakfast on Christmas day. Why?"

"Oh, nothing. I was just curious I guess." This couldn't be a coincidence could it? What could he possibly know? But before she had the time to actually think about that new piece of information, Carson was announcing that diner was ready. She saw James approaching their little group, he extended his arm to her, and she took it, only with a moment's hesitation. A hesitation that didn't go unnoticed by her grandmother.

Walking together they made their way slowly to the dining room. Mary observed that her companion seemed to be in a particularly good mood. This realisation suddenly made her feel uneasy. James was never this happy, not during such an event anyway…or perhaps only at the end of the night, when he had drunk too much wine.

As they finally reached the table, almost everybody was already sitting at their designated place. Before Mary could reach hers, James suddenly interrupted her.

"Darling I think we should go on the other side, I asked your mother to sit us there."

For the first time since she entered the room. She really took the time to look at the table and at all the people talking animatedly around it. On the other side, where James was taking her, only two places were left untouched. Between Matthew and a woman that Mary remembered as the widow of some newspaperman in London. Looking blankly at the space between both of them, Mary realised that he had planned this. Matthew's presence, James wanting them to sit next to him, his firm grip on her arm, parading her like she was some kind of trophy, it just couldn't be a coincidence.

"Matthew, my friend! I'm so happy you could join us!" James said with a little too much enthusiasm.

"Well, thank you." Matthew replied hesitantly, utterly confused by James greeting. What was happening? They were not friends. He hated that man. "I'm quite happy to be here." He finished.

"I sure hope you'll enjoy yourself tonight. This soirée is going to be memorable." James added before taking the seat next to the older woman.

As soon as the other man had turned is back on him, Matthew relaxed a little. There really was something about James that didn't seem right. But he was relieved for only a few seconds before he remembered that Mary was next to him, already sited at her place, strangely biting on her bottom lip. A gesture he'd never seen her do before. Matthew had never expected to be placed right next to Mary and her fiancé no less. But he was glad that it was her right next to him and not the latter.

As the first plates were served, the animated conversations started once again. Waiting a few moments, making sure that James was not listening, Mary finally turned slightly towards Matthew.

"I think he knows." She whispered quickly.

"What do you mean?" He replied with a hint of desperation in his voice. He knew what she meant, of course he knew. He could see it in her eyes and the possibility that they could have been caught had crossed his mind on more than one occasion. It certainly would explain James strange behaviour.

"About last week." She murmured trying to stay composed. "I don't know how he found out, but he has."

Nothing more could be added. As soon as Mary had pronounced the last syllable of her sentence, the Dowager Countess who was sitting only a few seats away from them on the other side of the table, addressed herself, quite loudly so everyone could hear, to Matthew.

"Mr Hartley, are you enjoying the English countryside? It must be very different from what you are used to."

"It is indeed very different." He said, smiling a little. "I do not believe we have houses like Downton back at home. But I enjoy it very much."

"Wasn't your mother from Manchester Mr Hartley?" Asked Edith before Matthew even had a chance to take another bite of his dinner.

At her sister's question Mary finally looked up from her plate. What were they doing? Couldn't they just leave him alone?

Noticing that everyone was listening to their conversation now, Matthew took a few seconds before answering. "Yes, she lived in Manchester for many years. She talked to me about England very often when I was a kid." Seeing The Dowager Countess raised an eyebrow he added quickly "In a very lovely way I can assure you."

"I don't doubt it Mr Hartley. She must have missed it very much; I know I would have if circumstances had led me to America. Fortunately they did not." Violet finished, satisfied.

"Well, I think America seems terribly exciting!" Sybil joined in. "Don't you think so Mary?"

Mary hadn't said a word in this conversation so far. She was a little taken aback by her sister's question unmistakably directed at her. She couldn't show any interest in the matter, not with James sitting next to her, patiently waiting to hear her answer with an amused smiled on his face, the one she hated. She needed to go there, to that cold place she knew so well, she needed to numb herself for a moment, to forget that Matthew was sitting so close to her. "I never had any particular interest towards America." She finally said, without any emotion, as if she was uninterested by the subject itself.

Her short and cold answer seemed to cool the atmosphere a little and everyone went back to their meal, starting conversations with their neighbours, avoiding to look in Mary's direction who was now meticulously playing with the food in her plate, unable to eat.

She surely was standing up to her reputation Matthew thought. The cold and careful Lady Mary Crawley. That's how people describe her. And he must admit that if he had met her today for the very first time, it is possibly how he would have described her himself. But he knew better, he knew her, the real Mary, his Mary. Or at least, he knew another facet of her personality that he doubted a lot of people knew about. She told him, she warned him in a strange way, about her life. The question had trapped her and James was there, and if he knew, like they both suspected, she needed to cover herself, to throw him off. Even if her comment stung for a moment, completely dismissing him, he understood her reasoning. He couldn't blame her. Not now anyway.

The meal went on happily, for the majority of the guests anyway. Matthew couldn't remember the last time he had seen to much food. He couldn't even say if he had ever seen something like it, probably not. It was like these people were living in a completely different world than what he was used too. Of course he had attended some events in the pasts, especially because of his father profession, and then because of school and his own work, but nothing similar to this.

He watched Mary from the corner of his eye. She was composed, her back completely straight, her face not showing the slightest bit of emotion even though he could see James murmuring in her ear, until her lower lip twitched and she closed her eyes for the briefest moment.

* * *

She felt his firm grip on her wrist, smelled the wine on his breath way before she realised that he was leaning in, whispering, close, too close, in her ear. As if what he was saying was the most precious secret. And maybe it was.

"Listen. Do not say a word." He waited a moment. No reaction. "I know what you did. What you both did. I'm sure you can easily imagine that I'm not particularly pleased. In a few minutes, I'm going to make an announcement. You're going to stand up next to me and smile. You will look happy. If you did not believe me when I told you that I had the power to close all the doors in your face, you must know that I now have the power to destroy you both. And I won't hesitate to do it."

She saw Matthew watching her. Matthew. She wanted to scream his name, to tell him to go back, that they had made a terrible mistake. Her eyes were burning; she closed them for a moment. This couldn't be happening, not to her, not to Matthew. She knew that what they did was wrong, but was it so terribly wrong that they needed to be punished this way? She wanted to slap that happy grin out of James face, if only she could just… Do what exactly? She didn't even know.

His chair moved, he stood up proudly. Everyone was suddenly silent, all eyes on him.

"Thank you. I would like to take this opportunity to make an announcement." After Robert approved with a nod, James continued. "Since we're all gathered here tonight I thought that this was the perfect moment to finally announce that Mary and I will be getting married in March!"

The room erupted in cheers, everyone nodding in approval at the union of the heir and the eldest daughter. It was such a perfect alliance and they made such a cute couple! She could hear them, all of them and their silly comments. They knew nothing, nothing.

Numb, smile, numb, stay composed, and numb again, Mary repeated over and over in her mind. She spent her whole life building up this façade, perfecting it. And it surely was perfect, she just needed to keep it up long enough. But why was it so hard? Perhaps because the only person that she ever let into those walls that she built, even though only for brief moments here and there, was currently sitting next to her. She could see him from her standing up position, looking straight in front of him, his face unreadable.

The rest of the night went by really quickly. She managed to keep her cold mask on; she shook hands and thanked everyone who came to congratulate her. She forced a smile on her face, sometimes, not too often. It was not in her character anyway. Only when Matthew came to them, and shook James hand _"I wish you both the very best."_ He told them; only then did she thought that her mask would break. But it did not.

Not until she reached her room, well passed midnight, that she was safely tucked under her eiderdown, only then did she let her mask fall down. Tears rolling down her cheeks slowly, one by one.

* * *

Horrific, torturous, Matthew couldn't even describe how awful the past few hours had been. Memorable James had said, this night was definitely memorable.

It seemed so promising at first. So very promising. People were interested in what he had to say, in his stories.. But it was all an illusion. James knew, and he made sure that they were aware of that fact. Showing her off like a prize, they were getting married, she was his.

Matthew was not even sure if he could actually remember everything properly. It all seemed so strange. Like a bad dream.

He surely remembers Mary, her stoic face, completely emotionless. He knew her smiles weren't real. Maybe she was able to fool everyone, but not him. She could not.

When James had stood up and made his announcement. It was suddenly all clear that they had been caught. That James knew everything and this was his way to make them pay, or at least one of his ways. Matthew was convinced that this man had more than one trick up his hat.

After he congratulated the couple, he decided that it was time for him to leave. There was nothing else he could do. It wasn't his place to do so anyway, even though he wanted to, very badly. And so he was now standing in the cold English winter air. He felt better here, if only the car that was supposed to take him back could hurry up a little.

"Mr Hartley" called a voice behind him.

"Yes" He replied to the stranger, turning around to see the person in question. Matthew was quite surprised to see the Dowager Countess standing there, only a few meters away from him now.

"Oh there you are!" Said Violet finally reaching Matthew and holding onto his left arm to keep her balance. "I would like to invite you for tea, next week. Let's say Wednesday. Do you think you could make it?"

"Well, yes, I think I could make it." Matthew answered hesitantly. Was this another part of James plan? He really couldn't tell.

"It's settled then" The older woman replied happily before climbing into the motor that only arrived a few seconds ago to take her back home. "Good night Mr Hartley. " She added before the engine started to move, leaving him no time at all to say anything else.

Matthew stood there, not moving, until the car arrived. He took one last look at Downton before it all disappeared in the distance. Memorable. Surely memorable.

A/N I'm always so very happy to hear what you have to say. Please don't be shy and review!


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